When we were students at the University of Cincinnati in the
early 1970s, Steve Winter, Peggy Kreimer, and I used to gather occasionally to
read stories from the Sherlock Holmes Canon out loud. A few beverages may have
been involved – Imperial Tokay, for example.
Other friends, including Ann Brauer (now Andriacco) also
took part, but the trio of dedicated Sherlockians considered ourselves The Three
Students. Other than that sentimental connection, I’ve never had any affection
for “The Adventure of the Three Students.” But erudite Sherlockian Rich Krisciunas really doesn’t like it.
He explained why in verse at a meeting of Watsons’ Tin Box
on June 29. He gave me permission to share it with you:
WHY I DON’T LIKE
THE THREE STUDENTS
The
Canon’s stories have been rated and ranked
by
Conan Doyle, Sherlockians and the rest.
In Watson’s
retelling of the adventures
This
one’s definitely not close to the best.
A half chapter of Thucydides copied. Oh my!!
There’s no murder, no blackmail or ransom to pay.
No
vampire, snake bite or secret society.
No
one’s kidnapped or poisoned. There’s no foul play.
No
Irene’s or Violets. No ladies at all.
No
client climbs the seventeen steps at Baker Street.
No
hasty rides on trains or traps or hansom cabs.
The
weather’s fine. There’s not even a threat of fog or sleet.
No
hiding in the dark or amputated thumbs.
No
ladies found in coffins to heighten the suspense.
No
secret papers stolen or wrongs to avenge.
There’s
not a single shooting done in self-defense!
Let’s
peruse the story a little more closely.
Somebody
has eyeballed the tutor Soames’ test.
Holmes’
plan to study early English Charters
Was cut
short so he could attempt what he does best.
The
three suspects were living on the floors above
However,
we barely heard any of them speak.
There’s
no interaction. Few details about them.
Admit
it, their character development’s weak.
There’s
the Indian; “inscrutable and quiet.”
There’s
rude Miles McLaren who won’t open his door,
A guy
named Gilchrist who doesn’t have a first
name!
Why
couldn’t we have learned just a little bit more?
But the
biggest flaw in Watson’s writing
Is the
question of why Holmes got involved?
If he’d
remained back at the library.
This is
a case that would still have been solved.
While
Holmes spied a pencil and sawdust from a shoe
The
butler correctly identified the cheat,
The
thief confessed, packed his bags to Rhodesia, way
Before
Holmes’ investigation was complete.
I thank
all of you for listening patiently
Hopefully
you’re convinced and I think you’ll agree
Watson’s
other stories are all so much better.
Any way
you read it, this one’s all Greek to me.
© By Rich Krisciunas
Very clever! Thanks for putting that up! -- Esmerelda
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure!
ReplyDelete